Here are two short stories I came up with.
The Story of They
Once there was a boy named Murphy who could turn into a squirrel at will. There was a new orginazation called THEY. Everybody guessed THEY was an acronym for something, but nobody knew what it was. Murphy decided to use his powers to discover what the acronym was. As a squirrel, he broke into the THEY orginazation building, and listened to a meeting of THEY. At first, it was slow, and he only learned that THEY had taken over a farm of llamas in North Dakota, but then he discovered that THEY stood for
The
Homicidal
English
Yodelers!
Armed with his new knowledge, Murphy saved the world by humiliating THEY into disbanding the organization and leaving everybody alone.
THE END
Journey to the Land of What
"Welcome to Spaghettiland, where we eat Italian food that is really American all day and night, and then we all sing 'Kumbiya' until Thursday goes insane," said a fairy cheerfully.
Ingrid turned her head to the side. "What now? You're not making any sense." "Neither are you," replied the fairy, it's gossamer wings flittering impatiently as it sat on the toadstool, which was grumbling to itself. "But then again, this is a dream, darling, so nothing is supposed to make sense." "Wait. Since when was this a dream?" Ingrid asked, blinking, confused. "Ever since you ate those chocolates there," the fairy said, pointing to a box of cookies that had materialized out of nowhere. "Once more: You're making no sense!" Ingrid said, becoming rather cross. "Once more: this is a dream! Either that, or you fainted and fell out of the rowboat, in which case welcome to Heaven, 'cos I'm afraid you drowned, darling," the fairy replied coolly, nibbling a Gala apple. Ingrid muttured something under her breath, then thought the rest of it. "Nice to know your opinion of me, darling," the fairy said, crossing its eyes and then uncrossing them again. "Great. Here I am, chatting with an insane telepathic fairy who likes apples and thinks I've drowned. Lovely." Ingrid muttured. The fairy sneezed and then she flew a foot in the air, then landed on the toadstool, which yelped. "Sorry, Mister," the fairy shouted to the toadstool. Then she turned back to Ingrid. "Now, darling, you ought to know my name. It's Fiona Violet Pumpernickel Merriweather Olivia Gala Stacy Princess the Fourteenth. Nice to meet you." The fairy held out her tiny hand, which Ingrid shook reluctantly. "My name is--" "Oh, hush, darling, I know your name," the fairy interruppted. "It's Ingrid, isn't it?" "Yes, for once." "Nice to meet you. I know my name is a mouthful, so let's call me...Fiona. Lovely name, Fiona. In fact, your name is a mouthful, too, Ingrid. Let's rename you Ivy." "I like my name, and it's only two syllables, while your full name has twenty-six. I'm calling myself Ingrid, thank you very much." "Oh, nobody will go with that. It's a dream, remember, Ivy-darling? Besides, Ivy only has three letters, Ingrid has six. Eye-enn-gee-are-eye-dee. Ingrid. Six letters. Ivy is eye-vee-why. Three letters. You will find, in my logical argument of babbling, that I have repeated multiple times that three is a magic number. A three letter name will allow you to cast spells." Ingrid simply stood there. "I don't get it. Besides, if you're such a fan of the number 3, then why are you named Fiona-whatever-the-last-names-are?!" "You have a point. I'm renaming myself Ann. Without an E. Goodbye, Ivy-darling." Then Ann-Fiona was gone in a puff of marshmallows. "What. The. He--" Ingrid was about to say, but then Ann-Fiona appeared again and said, "there is no profanity in the Land of!" Then she was gone again. Ingrid shrugged and walked away, muttering, "the Land of What?"
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
I know this is not related to stories, but...
I thought cream soda tasted horrible. Then we went to the dentist where they made me use bubblegum toothpaste and raspberry fluoride. Now cream soda is the best in the world.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Dorothy's Adventures in the Land of Oz in 3 minutes
...but only if you're really quick about it.
The Wizard of Oz in 120 Seconds
Reenacted by children
Scene 1:
Dorothy: Oh, my! Where am I?
TGWOTN: You're welcome, odd girl, to Heck. (turns to audience) Shocking.
Munchkins: (at the same time) You should take the Yellow Brick Road!
Dorothy: The yellow brick what?
Scene 2:
Scarecrow: I'm bored. It's hot. I can't think. I'm stuffed with straw.
Dorothy: Oh, hello, kindly Scarecrow.
Crow 1: Take him with you already! Geez.
Crow 2: We won't miss him!
Dorothy: I shall take the advice of all in this land who are not of a specified Good or Bad status.
Scene 3:
Dorothy: I'm tired.
Scarecrow: Go to sleep then, I'm sick of hearing you complain.
Dorothy: (goes to sleep)
Tinman: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'mmmmmmm ruuuuuuuuuuusssssssstttttttteeeeeeeedddddddddd......
Scarecrow: DOROTHY! The gods have told me that we should oil this poor Tinman and take him with us!
Scene 4:
Dorothy: I HEAR SOMETHING! Oh, where's Toto?!
Scarecrow and Tinman: Who's Toto?
Lion: ROAR!
Dorothy: Oh, I'd read you the riot act, but I sense I should ignore your behavior and take you with me!
Scene 5:
Poppies: (at the same time) Stay here forever, forever, forever, forever, forever, forever, forever, for. Ev. ERRRR!!!
Dorothy and Lion: These flowers are sooooo pretttyyyy....
Tinman: Aw, leave them, they're happier here.
Scarecrow: Sound advice, but it seems a bit inhumane.
Tinman: Fine. (drags them both out of the poppy fields)
Scene 6:
Gatekeeper: You're here to see the Great Oz?
Dorothy: We are! (to audience) how did he know?
Gatekeeper: Put on these spectacles and then we'll enter the City.
Ozian 1: You'll see the Great Oz? Really? Dude, that's awesome!
Scarecrow: Shoo! Shoo!
Ozian 2: I think that one (points to the Scarecrow) has something wrong with his brain. (Ozians nod)
Guard: YOU MUST ENTER IN DARKNESS!
Scene 7:
Dorothy: What?
Lion: I dunno. (lights go off) OH! (faints)
Tinman: (kicks Lion) WIMP!!
Scarecrow: Oh, be kind to Mr. Cowardly!
Tinman: I don't have a heart, idiot, I can't be kind.
Dorothy: Well, you haven't killed anyone yet...(tinman raises his axe) OH! OH! Put that DOWN!
Oz: (offstage) I AM OZ!
Tinman: No duh!
Oz: SHUT UP!
Tinman: Give me a heart and maybe I shall!
Oz: Very well then. All of you. Go slay the Witch of the West, and you shall get what I telepathically know you desire.
Scene 8:
Dorothy: The Wizard's telepathic?
Scarecrow: (is trying to pull the lion behind him) Muscles. Shoulda asked for muscles. (collapses)
Tinman: Everybody here is an idiot. Goodbye, peasants! (runs offstage)
Dorothy: That may have been a favor. Oh! What the heck is that??? (points to the sky)
Scarecrow: FLYING MONKEYS!!! (runs frantically, forgetting the Lion) O dear god we're all going to die!
Monkeys: Yep! Yep!
Monkey King: SLAVES! Toss the flailing one off the cliff. Find the metal one and do the same. Pick up the furry one and enslave him, and take the one with the gingham dress and take her to Ms. West. After this we'll never see her again!
Scene 9:
Witch of the West: DOROTHY! Fetch this! And that! And this! And that thing! (pointing in random directions)
Dorothy: Yes, yes, yes, yes, god, this is boring...(picks up a bucket of water and dumps it on the Witch)
WOFW: Ah, clever girl. (melts)
Scene 10:
Dorothy: I'll dump those useless companions and go to Oz myself!
(Dorothy arrives at Oz)
Oz: Oh, where are the others?
Dorothy: Three words. Death. By. Monkeys.
Oz: Resorceful girl. I banish you to Kansas.
THE END
The Wizard of Oz in 120 Seconds
Reenacted by children
Scene 1:
Dorothy: Oh, my! Where am I?
TGWOTN: You're welcome, odd girl, to Heck. (turns to audience) Shocking.
Munchkins: (at the same time) You should take the Yellow Brick Road!
Dorothy: The yellow brick what?
Scene 2:
Scarecrow: I'm bored. It's hot. I can't think. I'm stuffed with straw.
Dorothy: Oh, hello, kindly Scarecrow.
Crow 1: Take him with you already! Geez.
Crow 2: We won't miss him!
Dorothy: I shall take the advice of all in this land who are not of a specified Good or Bad status.
Scene 3:
Dorothy: I'm tired.
Scarecrow: Go to sleep then, I'm sick of hearing you complain.
Dorothy: (goes to sleep)
Tinman: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'mmmmmmm ruuuuuuuuuuusssssssstttttttteeeeeeeedddddddddd......
Scarecrow: DOROTHY! The gods have told me that we should oil this poor Tinman and take him with us!
Scene 4:
Dorothy: I HEAR SOMETHING! Oh, where's Toto?!
Scarecrow and Tinman: Who's Toto?
Lion: ROAR!
Dorothy: Oh, I'd read you the riot act, but I sense I should ignore your behavior and take you with me!
Scene 5:
Poppies: (at the same time) Stay here forever, forever, forever, forever, forever, forever, forever, for. Ev. ERRRR!!!
Dorothy and Lion: These flowers are sooooo pretttyyyy....
Tinman: Aw, leave them, they're happier here.
Scarecrow: Sound advice, but it seems a bit inhumane.
Tinman: Fine. (drags them both out of the poppy fields)
Scene 6:
Gatekeeper: You're here to see the Great Oz?
Dorothy: We are! (to audience) how did he know?
Gatekeeper: Put on these spectacles and then we'll enter the City.
Ozian 1: You'll see the Great Oz? Really? Dude, that's awesome!
Scarecrow: Shoo! Shoo!
Ozian 2: I think that one (points to the Scarecrow) has something wrong with his brain. (Ozians nod)
Guard: YOU MUST ENTER IN DARKNESS!
Scene 7:
Dorothy: What?
Lion: I dunno. (lights go off) OH! (faints)
Tinman: (kicks Lion) WIMP!!
Scarecrow: Oh, be kind to Mr. Cowardly!
Tinman: I don't have a heart, idiot, I can't be kind.
Dorothy: Well, you haven't killed anyone yet...(tinman raises his axe) OH! OH! Put that DOWN!
Oz: (offstage) I AM OZ!
Tinman: No duh!
Oz: SHUT UP!
Tinman: Give me a heart and maybe I shall!
Oz: Very well then. All of you. Go slay the Witch of the West, and you shall get what I telepathically know you desire.
Scene 8:
Dorothy: The Wizard's telepathic?
Scarecrow: (is trying to pull the lion behind him) Muscles. Shoulda asked for muscles. (collapses)
Tinman: Everybody here is an idiot. Goodbye, peasants! (runs offstage)
Dorothy: That may have been a favor. Oh! What the heck is that??? (points to the sky)
Scarecrow: FLYING MONKEYS!!! (runs frantically, forgetting the Lion) O dear god we're all going to die!
Monkeys: Yep! Yep!
Monkey King: SLAVES! Toss the flailing one off the cliff. Find the metal one and do the same. Pick up the furry one and enslave him, and take the one with the gingham dress and take her to Ms. West. After this we'll never see her again!
Scene 9:
Witch of the West: DOROTHY! Fetch this! And that! And this! And that thing! (pointing in random directions)
Dorothy: Yes, yes, yes, yes, god, this is boring...(picks up a bucket of water and dumps it on the Witch)
WOFW: Ah, clever girl. (melts)
Scene 10:
Dorothy: I'll dump those useless companions and go to Oz myself!
(Dorothy arrives at Oz)
Oz: Oh, where are the others?
Dorothy: Three words. Death. By. Monkeys.
Oz: Resorceful girl. I banish you to Kansas.
THE END
Copy/Paste Testing
For a test in copy/pasting, I add a bit from The Wizard of Oz in 3 Minutes.
Scene 9:
Witch of the West: DOROTHY! Fetch this! And that! And this! And that thing! (pointing in random directions)
Dorothy: Yes, yes, yes, yes, god, this is boring...(picks up a bucket of water and dumps it on the Witch)
WOFW: Ah, clever girl. (melts)
Scene 10:
Dorothy: I'll dump those useless companions and go to Oz myself!
(Dorothy arrives at Oz)
Oz: Oh, where are the others?
Dorothy: Three words. Death. By. Monkeys.
Oz: Resorceful girl. I banish you to Kansas.
THE END
Scene 9:
Witch of the West: DOROTHY! Fetch this! And that! And this! And that thing! (pointing in random directions)
Dorothy: Yes, yes, yes, yes, god, this is boring...(picks up a bucket of water and dumps it on the Witch)
WOFW: Ah, clever girl. (melts)
Scene 10:
Dorothy: I'll dump those useless companions and go to Oz myself!
(Dorothy arrives at Oz)
Oz: Oh, where are the others?
Dorothy: Three words. Death. By. Monkeys.
Oz: Resorceful girl. I banish you to Kansas.
THE END
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Poem 1
I was 11 years old when I wrote this.
Absolutely Not Dedicated to Anyone
Stop, thief.
You've stolen my heart
And I need it back.
Stop, thief.
You've taken my breath away
But I'm suffocating, so please return it.
Stop, thief.
You've made me deaf to everything else
But people don't like it when I ignore them.
Please, my senses are essential, and no longer on loan.
Stop, thief.
You've told me to hold on,
You've told me your secrets,
You've made me promise to ridiculous things.
Guess what?
My hands are sore and you never told me what to hang on to,
So I'm letting go,
Shattering my promises,
Screaming your secrets to the world.
Absolutely Not Dedicated to Anyone
Stop, thief.
You've stolen my heart
And I need it back.
Stop, thief.
You've taken my breath away
But I'm suffocating, so please return it.
Stop, thief.
You've made me deaf to everything else
But people don't like it when I ignore them.
Please, my senses are essential, and no longer on loan.
Stop, thief.
You've told me to hold on,
You've told me your secrets,
You've made me promise to ridiculous things.
Guess what?
My hands are sore and you never told me what to hang on to,
So I'm letting go,
Shattering my promises,
Screaming your secrets to the world.
Welcome
...to Earth. Population: Trying to survive.
I am CMC, the one who wrote the successful (I hope) parody of The Wizard of Oz on my other blog, on the account I shared with my mother.
Well, as of today, I am using my own account! (confetti)
...Ahem. What you should expect in the coming days, months, and years, are not ordinary "blogger posts", but rather, tales that are either original or parodied from other stories. We may have an exception for poetry.
May.
Ends post one.
I am CMC, the one who wrote the successful (I hope) parody of The Wizard of Oz on my other blog, on the account I shared with my mother.
Well, as of today, I am using my own account! (confetti)
...Ahem. What you should expect in the coming days, months, and years, are not ordinary "blogger posts", but rather, tales that are either original or parodied from other stories. We may have an exception for poetry.
May.
Ends post one.
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